Hope.. continued

I remember dreaming of the big day, you know like how every little girl in this world dreams about. I was watching my cousin get married, me being the little flower girl in a white dress with beads and little flowers as we took pictures in a field full of bright yellow flowers. I knew my day would come. It was going to be outside around dusk and have white paper bags filled with sand and vanilla smelling candles that lit the aisle in the night sky. My dress was going to be slimming that fit my petite body just right. It was going to be off white and have a vintage looking feel. My long shiny brown locks would all be pinned up individually on top of my head as the silky veil was pinned with flashy jewels that draped far behind me. My nails to my long skinny fingers would be natural as they held his soft strong hands labeled with those rings of ‘foreverment’. His face, soft as a baby’s bum, his dark hair will be gelled perfectly, and his teeth will brightly shine as he smiles on the happiest day of our lives. He will look oh so fine in that black tux, his muscles looking like they want to burst out of it. MMMMM, yes I’ve dreamt about this since age six not knowing who that man reading me the vows of a forever lifetime would be, but I always hoped it was going to be Dominic who looked me in the eyes and could promise true unconditional love forever and always.

My vision came back to reality Dom and I were facing each other. We sat in silence what seemed like an eternity. Wondering what we could do with the time we had left. Me being shy not saying a word, waiting for him to grow a pair and do what he knows is right. He gasps for air and sighs, as he plants his feet on the ground and steadies himself on his own two feet. His back faces me and I can feel guilt rise up to my neck. He turns around and gives me a hand and leans towards me and whispers in my ear “Let’s go!” I still have tears on my face but am able to throw out a little giggle. He smiles and we take off down the street, carefully looking back to see if anyone is watching. I grab my dress so it doesn’t drag and we begin to run hand in hand. “What about Whitney?” I pause and say. “My mom will take care of her Ror, she always knew it wasn’t right. This moment is all about you and me okay?” he says with so much meaning. My grin extends from ear to ear and is all I get out is “Okay!”  My face starts to dry and the hairs on my arm start to stick straight up like needles. It’s getting dark and I can hear the thunder getting closer. The lightening bolt strikes and begins to poor over the city lights. On our walk we keep poking under trees to avoid getting soaked as I’m just giggling not knowing where we are headed. I continuously say to Dom “Where are we going?” but he doesn’t answer. We continue our adventure and goose bumps are starting to form on my legs. He tells me were getting closer and to close my eyes. Next thing I know I hear crickets chirping, and running water in the background. “Okay, open your eyes Rory” he said full of excitement. I start with the right one peeping it open not knowing what to expect, then the left one. There I am sitting on the picnic table at Springer Campground. Dominic looking at me in pure happiness.

            He had a scar located above his left eye, from that one night. The night I’ll never forget. It was about 4 years ago on a Friday and I was sitting on this exact same picnic table, watching Dominic and Stan fish. Stan just so happened to catch Dom instead of a trout causing that deep scar. No worries though, Dom had caught big tonight. A 17 in rainbow and a girlfriend named Rory.

            I look around and it looks the exact same, a rock fire pit, broken branches and the green grass that surrounded large trees and camping areas. This time was different though. A good different, Dominic was kneeled on one knee like a gentlemen holding out the plastic ring he won in the Claw machine at the old diner we used to go to our senior year. He said to me “Rory, I know we should be together forever. I promise you with all my heart I can love you unconditionally for the rest of our lives. What do you say marrying your best friend!?” his voice sounding shaky but confident. My heart skipped a beat as I am flooded with so many emotions right now. I burst into tears once again for the 10^th time it seemed like and looked in his deep brown eyes and said “Yes! I would love nothing more than that!” I exclaimed. “But why do you have this ring with you?” I questioned him. Dominic said “I knew I would need it!” We both giggled and started dancing under the canopy of trees like it’s our own happily ever after!

HOPE

            She adjusted his bow tie wanting him to look his best on his big day, even though it wasn’t for her sake. She had grown up with this boy. They had been best friends since the fourth grade.

Dominic and I sat in the church getting prepped for his big day to marry this ditzy blonde. We had always been best friends and were even more than that for almost a year, but she came in and gave him mixed feelings. She was like a pesky nat at a BBQ!

Luckily Dom and I stayed best friends through it all, the good times and the bad, just like our mothers had. I hadn’t been looking forward to this day at all for the past three months. I was as crushed, as the bride-to-be was excited! I hoped it wouldn’t show on my face. I didn’t want any of this to happen the way it did. I knew it was too late, but I always thought, what if?

 I kept looking away from him not wanting to start anything before the ceremony, which would be in just a few hours. I couldn’t hold my composure and had to excuse myself to the other room. A pool of water started to form in my eyes. I knew today would be the day that I would make it rain. The tears seemed like they dropped a mile before they hit my cheek. Before I could take a deep sigh, there was a thumb wiping the tears away so my make-up wouldn’t get ruined. I gasped and looked up not knowing whom to expect, but he was there like always, my best friend.

“Come on Rory! You can’t do this to me! It’s hard enough!” he exclaimed. My puppy dog eyes just looked away as I said, “I’m not doing anything! I’m more than happy for you Dom! I wouldn’t miss your big day!” I got up from the pew. “Come on. Let’s go. You’ve got to get your flower on.”

I always thought Dominic and I would give it another chance. It just wasn’t the right time. I thought I would never give up. There in North Carolina at the Church of Christ, my hope had flown away.  April 24^th, was the day I had given up. I started heading out the big brown detailed church doors, not knowing if I could keep myself together.  I headed down the sidewalk to catch some fresh air. I heard footsteps behind me, but continued to walk down the street. My arms were pumping at my sides. For a brief moment my left arm stopped I turned around and there was Dom with tears running down his face. He reached forward and kissed me on the forehead.  I totally lost it. My body weakened and my knees buckled. I slid into a crouching position. My head was buried down in my arms. My dress spread out along the side walk like a flower. He gripped my arms.  He was at my level talking to me. He said, “Rory! Please look at me.”

I continued hiding in my arms much like a turtle hides in its shell when it is frightened. “Rory?” he said calmly one more time, not giving up on me. He began to rub my arms. I forgot how comforting it was for him to touch me. I looked up and dropped my head straight back into my arms trying to catch my breath and keep my tears hidden before having to face him. Again I looked up and our eyes met transfixed.  I could see my reflection in his eyes. His eyes glossed from the tears that had pooled there.  

“I’m alright.” I said.

“No Ror! We’re not alright. Neither one of us is!”

The wrinkles formed on my head looking like waves in the sea. A puzzled look of questions.

“We’re not?” I questioned.

 “Rory!  We both know that you should be my bride inside that church!” he confessed.

I was speechless, not having any idea what to say to Dominic. I was at a loss for words. I took a moment to look at my left wrist and played with the bracelet he gave me for my 18^th birthday. My mind raced searching for the right words to say. “You know what Dom?” I said in a shaky voice.

“What?” he questioned.

“I always wondered if that thought had crossed your mind.”

“Are you kidding me Rory! I think about it all the time!” he said with a smirk on his face. I began to smile, which he could always make me do. I began to cry, happy tears this time. Everything I hoped for fell into place. I had hoped that nat (ex-bride) at the BBQ would be squashed. Our love for each other was too strong for one of us to make such a big mistake.

A surprise Visit!

             It’s almost the fourth, fireworks will fill the hair with bright colors and fumes that people wait for every year. I’ve got this big shopping trip with the girls today. We have to go find cute outfits to wear to our friend Chris’ BBQ. My mom all happily warns me

“Your brothers coming tonight.” 

“Really!” I say with a huge grin making half a slice of watermelon until. Boom, all of a sudden the gears in my mind start grinding, “But Mom this can’t ruin my plans!”

“Well you’re going to have to plan them for another time.”

“Mom, no we’ve been planning this all summer! He can’t just surprise us and come home on his time.”

“Well you’ll have to make the decision and break the news to him, because I am not!”

The disappointment in my moms voice arises. I decide to send out a mass text to the girls to fair warn them of my situation, but I assure them I’m still going. Next thing I know the door swings open with laughter,

“I’m home!”

He looks like a mountain man, boots laced up tightly, carhartt pants and an ol’ T-shirt.

“Hey sis, you ready?”

I’m kind of blown away; I haven’t seen his face in so long it’s been since last July. He looks so different, slim, slight facial hair but still has those dark brown DeMars eyes.

“Hi! Uh, ready for what?”

“Were going hiking, and going to stay up at 4-mile campground.”

“Oh well Spence, I’ve been really excited to go shop--” My mother cuts me off and says “Oh you guys are going to have so much fun! Go grab your hiking shoes and here.” She hands me a basket full of marshmallows, graham crackers, and homemade fudge for smores. My face begins to turn red and my jaw drops. I try to say um excuse me people I’m going shopping but is all that comes out is jibberish. I couldn’t get the urge to tell my brother no. I get up from the couch and head to my room to begin to gather my camping gear. I throw on an old pair of tennies, some holy jeans, and an old washed out grey hoodie. “I’m ready I guess” I say as we head for the door. Spence grabs our sleeping bags that are all tide um in the wide ‘glad’ trash bags. ‘This is going to be so much fun.’ I say to myself as I roll my eyes at my mother, “Here we go!”

            The sky is dark and is filled with sparkling stars, we sit around the fire as we watch the sparks fly towards the full moon sitting in silence taking in the cricket sounds of the wilderness.

“Thanks for coming sis!”

“Your welcome I’m really glad I came” with a guilty look on my face as before I didn’t have any ambition to even consider coming.

“Me too, we needed some bonding time”

“Indeed we did. I know you love it up here so I’m glad we could camp out, just like the old days” I say

“Just like the old days” he repeats. Were curled up in our blankets and lawn chairs and we begin to talk about old memories we had through our childhood years, keeping warm by our fire that we started the ‘boy scout way’!

A roader to AZ!

It’s about 60 degrees, so life if good. We’re headed south on the smooth, pin striped black strip that extends for inches, feet, and miles around the US. “Here we go” I say. My hands start to shuffle through a binder full of shiny little discs, as I begin to look for my jam. It’s full of mixes from old friends, and artists like the Backstreet Boys and Aqua. I see the orange and white bubbled one, and shout “YES! The Spice Girls!” as a grin appears across my face from ear to ear. I notice the tension that rises in the blood vessels of his neck. Under my breathe I say “This is going to be a long trip.” We can hardly stand each other right now, and both knew this was going to be awkward, but we couldn’t cancel now. We are headed to get a vision of what we are getting into next year. Ricky and I (Quincy) became close friends by meeting at random summer parties. I remember thinking of him being so out of my league, but his swift dark hair grasped my attention that one night. I thought to myself, I would never have a chance! Lucky enough nine months is what is lasted. Now we are headed in the same direction! Great! We keep chug-a-luggin down the highways constantly saying things like “You’ve got terrible taste in music”, and “Yeah, well at least I can dance to it”, considering we did meet on the dance floor, and he was awful. As we continue these two thousand miles we both ride in silence, peering out the window at the beautiful scenery. I begin to have flashbacks of what used to be, wondering if we will ever give US a second chance. I glance to my left, he has this string running from his lap to his ear buds, not even trying to give my music a chance. Tears start to bud up in my eyes, we have reached our ending point for the day, as I gasp in relief I ran into this building with a large eight on it. I gather myself up and instantly just hit the sheets.

Next morning we get up to get an early start. We actually begin to talk, and Ricky asks me what was wrong last night, his voice even sounding a little shaky. I reply “Nothing, why?” Why did I even ask why, he knows me better than that and clearly knew I was upset. He really doesn’t care though so I just dropped it. I begin to text trying to avoid another talking moment. The air from the beautiful state of Arizona begins blowing through the vents, stirring up the smell of Ricky’s cheetos and the cologne he wears. It happens to be the one I bought him for his Birthday a few months back. The smell takes me back to when he used to hold me in his arms, but that was the past, now we are driving for our individual futures.

The sun starts beaming through the car windows, and seems to be getting hotter and hotter. I hear a funny noise and say “You’ve got to be kidding me right now!” Yep, it has reached 95 degrees outside and it’s about 120 degrees inside this moving vehicle! I start taking off layers and removing the flips flops and place my bright pink painted toes on the dashboard. We now have the sun roof opened, and all 4 windows rolled down. We begin having to take pit stops for more water and taking pictures by cool monuments along the way. We continue our journey as I’m slouched in the passenger seat, my thumb clicking to review our photos we have just taken. “We look pretty happy” I say, considering the situation were facing, neither of us looking forward to this trip, and no AC, awesome! He just throws me a grin.

We both begin to yawn as we’ve completed another long day of driving. We pull into our next place called La Quinta, hey, it’s kind of like my name. We park, placing my foot on the steady ground and walk to the back door to grab my bag. We check into our room, placing the little card and waiting for the little light to turn green. As the door swings open we just notice the fifty two inch flat screen, we both begin to argue who gets what bed based on the distance from the TV. I agreed to play rock, paper, scissors, and of course he wins. As he’s all pumped up he begins to surf through the channels. Meanwhile I grab my pink suitcase, slightly ripped along the bottom, and wheel it into the bathroom so I am able to get ready for bed. Face washed, hair up, and glasses on, I’m now ready to call it a night. I walk in front of the TV, and around his bed to pull back the covers of mine to get in. I get all tucked in and comfy and my heart starts to warm and my mind is in a boggle. He’s chosen a channel that is playing my all time favorite movie. I’m trying not to look at him in amazement, because he probably doesn’t even remember. I’ve got the covers pulled over my face, but just below my eyes, thinking I’m being sneaky and take a glance to my left. His soft hands begin to pat the white satin sheets next to him, we meet eye to eye and just smile. My heart starts beating fast, full of excitement and my knees spring up as I jump across to the open space on his bed, we both begin to laugh. It’s warm and I feel secure with his arms wrapped around me. We don’t move and he begins to fall asleep, but I lay here wondering what tomorrow is going to bring.